Hello everyone. I haven’t posted a single thing on this blog since March 8th. 4 months ago. A third of a year ago. I wish I had a simple explanation of what’s been going on and a positive conclusion with happy thoughts, but unfortunately it’s not that simple. As difficult as last year was for me, this year is already shaping up to be worse in so many ways that it’s been difficult to maintain a blog. Because it’s been so long, I figured I owed it to everyone who may still look out for my content. As all my posts are, this will be long so grab a snack and tuck in for a lot of reading.
Category Archives: Life Updates
EDIT 7/08/2017: I am removing certain parts of this post because a family member is writing a book and I don’t want it to lead back to my blog.
I started writing this on Instagram for my third entry of #selflovebootcamp, but it was soon apparent to me that it would be too long for Instagram. I also realized I’ve never really dealt with the stuff that happened in my life as a child and teenager. There was so much bad stuff that happened in such a short amount of time that I’m surprised I turned out okay in the end. I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for anything more than a place to vent and get these thoughts out because most of them are things I’ve never addressed out loud to anyone but my therapist and boyfriend.
I’m not going to hold back in my descriptions of things, so this post might be triggering for some people. I’m going to talk about self harm, eating disorders, abuse, and things of that nature. Please read with caution. This is a really fucking long post. I don’t even expect anyone to really read this.
In case you weren’t aware, I’m an official ambassador of The Body Confidence Revolution founded by Leyah Shanks. I’ve only been an ambassador for the past 4 months, but I’ve undergone many changes in the way I view myself since then. My body positive journey is a story that’s been in the making since I was a kid even though I’ve only been fighting for the cause for about a year and a half. I’m going to admit right now that I’m having a lot of back and forth thinking when it comes to my confidence. Since my IUD rejected in June and had to be removed, I’ve been taking hormonal birth control pills which give me a few horrible side effects including weight gain and breast growth.
On September 12th I celebrated the fact that I’ve been blogging for a year. As someone that tends to be super defeatist and has quit more projects than I can name without embarrassing myself, this is a huge milestone in my life. When I started this blog a year ago, I did it because I wanted to provide women with my body type a resource to see how lingerie fits and looks on a woman of my size and shape. I have a very tiny (let’s be honest, minuscule) budget, and I’m certainly not a model. I think it’s extremely important for people to see how lingerie looks in a basic everyday setting. The average woman doesn’t have access to a studio or professional equipment.
I feel like my last Life Update was really negative because that’s how I was feeling at the time, but it’s time for me to write another one to tell you the good and bad of what’s been going on in my life. It’s not all bad for once, although there are some bad things going on too. This is a really long update because it’s been four months since I’ve updated.
Hello everyone! I’ve been pretty absent and detached for the past month because I’ve been struggling with a serious bout of depression. Because my boyfriend has a new work schedule that causes me to be alone Monday-Friday, 6AM-4PM, I’ve been very lonely and it started to get to me. I’m having an extremely difficult time finding a job that will hire me because of my health issues (detailed here and here.) It’s extremely hard to stay positive when you have no job, no money, no transportation, health issues, and few friends. I just want to thank anyone that’s supported me so far. I really appreciate everyone that’s given me any kind of positive response. I want to make it clear right now that I don’t give life updates in hopes that someone will send me money. In fact, I won’t accept it. The only reason I write life updates is to shatter the belief that every single lingerie blogger lives a perfect life. I think it’s important that we discuss our personal issues so that it cements the idea that we’re just average everyday women that just happen to like bras.